Another part of the equation

I finally got back my blood work for elevated natural killer cells.  It really didn't take that long, I was just impatient!  The nurse sent me an email telling me that I do have elevated rates of natural killer cells.  It's really not a big deal to me I am just happy that we have this part of the equation figured out before we drop a few G's on IVF.  My treatment will include one intralipids infusion before I leave for Las Vegas and then one more if indeed I have a positive beta test.

I will be having another consultation with my Dr tonight and he is going to explain more about activated natural killer cells (NKA).  From what I understand, about 30% of women with endometriosis have NKA.  NKA can explain reoccurring miscarriages or why an embryo will not implant in the first place.  I cannot explain as good as my RE so if you would like you can read his blog here.

In other news I have been on birth control pills for over a week.  Isn't it funny you go on birth control before IVF?  I am pretty sure they put you on birth control so that they are able to regulate your cycle in order for everyone who is cycling in June to start on the same date.  The birth control makes me feel nauseous and yucky all day long.  No me gusta.

All of my drugs arrived on Friday!  I worked half a day and then raced home to wait for my drug dealer Fed Ex man.  I sat in my office and did work, but any time I heard a car came down the street I couldn't help but look out of the window.  I was surprised and ecstatic to find out that I have Progesterone suppositories and not Progesterone in oil (PIO).  PIO comes as a intra muscular injection and you have to do it every night.  I've heard horror stories about lumpy booties and how painful it is.  So thankful my doc sent the suppositories!

All my "drugs": Starbucks included in the category

Trying to be the queen bee

Over my two years of trying to conceive I have been adding more supplements, vitamins and herbs as the months pass.  Some have been the advice of my acupuncturist, some have been touted by other bloggers and I just had to try them.  Some were recommended by people who have gotten pregnant while taking the particular supplement so of course, I had to try it too.

It all started very innocently with a prenatal vitamin and a one-a-day energy multivitamin.  When I got pregnant my doc had me ditch the one-a-day because of the B12, gave me a prescription prenatal vitamin and added extra folic acid.  After the miscarriage I carried on with the prenatal and folic acid.  Somehow my morning and evening ritual now involves 11 pill bottles and 1 elixir for a grand total of 68 pills a day!

That's a little excessive, eh?  Thank God I got a pill holder.  Seriously, I was so excited the day we bought one large enough to divide my pills into morning and evening, as well as have enough room for J Bird's morning and evening pills.

So from left to right:

The first two are Chinese herbs- I can tell you the name but I really don't know what the hell they are! I put full faith in my acupuncturist.
Fertilaid- I bought this a few months ago but then realized I can't take it with Clomid.  I started taking it this month and it's a multivitamin, but it's supposed to also help regulate ovulation and increase cervical mucus.
Pycnogenol- Reduces inflammation due to endometriosis.  There have been studies that compared Lupron and Pycnogenol. Pynogenol has been found to decrease endometriosis symptoms as Lupron does, but does not create menopause-like symptoms.
Spirulina-high quality protein, also includes vitamins, minerals and may help improve egg quality.
Coq10 (Coenzyme10)- includes antioxidant and anti-aging properties
Fish Oil- omega 3 fatty acids and helps prevent painful periods
Prenatal Vitamin
Evening Primrose Oil (EVPO)-I take 2 pills a day to help with cervical mucus and to decrease painful periods
Folic Acid- I take this just in case I get pregnant because it helps to develop the brain and spinal cord.
Royal Jelly- Improves quality and quantity of eggs.  Ordinary bees that live on royal jelly become queen bees laying 1000's of eggs daily. I'm trying to become a queen bee :)
Vitex Elixir- I started taking Vitex this month in place of Clomid.  It's supposed to take a few months to kick in, but I am pretty sure I ovulated this month.  The elixir contains chaste tree berry and red raspberry leaf which support the luteal phase.

The left hand contains my morning pills and the right contains my evening pills.  The small balls are the chinese herbs.

Every month I tweek the supplements a little bit, depending on the acupuncturist, what drugs the doctor is giving me or whatever I think is going to make a good balance.

The gathering phase

Hey Ya’ll. It’s been way too long.  I kept thinking about writing, but I have been so busy with my new job, researching clinics and fertility treatments and appointments that I just didn’t know where I would start. 

Checklists help me to reduce anxiety about too many things on my mind so here’s what’s been going on:

-       Quit Hot Yoga - too strenuous on my body and too hot for sperm

-       Started Acupuncture

-       Quit taking advice- or lack of advice- from my OB

-       Initial consultation with fertility center.  Ultrasound shows a cyst and gynecological exam hurts like Hades.  The endo has spread again.  Doctor recommends a colonoscopy stat for bowel symptoms.  Rut roh

-       Make a plan to take 100 mg of Clomid and do an IUI.  We are excited!

-       Scratch the plan to do an IUI and decide against Clomid this cycle.  IUI has a 10% chance on working any given month for women with endo.  Those odds SUCK.  Might as well throw our cash into the wind.

-       Decide to go a few months au naturale (no drugs) to restore my sanity.

-       Get a new plan- we are going straight to IVF after the break.  Narrowed our options to two clinics- one in Nashville and one in Las Vegas.  I’m pulling for Vegas!

-       Schedule a skype consultation with doctor in Vegas and an old fashioned face to face visit with a female doctor at the same fertility clinic we already visited

-       Go to a Resolve Infertility Support Group.  It was awesome.  We both went and were surprised to see so many other couples at the meeting.  J Bird really liked talking to and hearing from other men going through the same things we are.

-       Got an HSG done to see if my fallopian tubes are open.  I cried during the exam before they even put the dye in.  GD endometriosis makes it impossible to even put a speculum in without extreme pain.  I haven’t heard from the clinic yet about results, but the radiologist said that everything looked good and both my tubes are open.  First piece of good news in what feels like forever.

-       The day after my HSG I start my bowel prep.  Honestly, it wasn’t as bad as everyone had warned me.  Mostly I was hungry.  I didn’t work that day so I had easy access to run to the restroom when needed.

-       The big day.  Still very hungry and fantasizing about my first meal as if I hadn’t eaten in a week.  The worst part of today was that it took 2 nurses, 1 anesthesiologist, 4 needle pricks and 1 badass bruise before they could start my IV.  I have small veins to start with and dehydrating me doesn’t help!

-       Doc tells me it’s all good in the hood.  Two pieces of good news in a week! What?!

Now we are all caught up.  Right now my focus is on making sure my body is healthy and fulfilling all the prerequisites for IVF.  I have a lot of the prereq’s taken care of already, but one thing I am really looking forward to is getting my bloodwork taken to Natural Killer Cells and Antisperm Antibodies.  I just reread that sentence and it sounds sick to “look forward” to a blood test to find out if something is wrong with you. For me it is a way to check another thing off my list (hopefully) and it will help me feel more confident moving forward with IVF.  I don’t want to take the chance of IVF not working and then finding out AFTER we go through it there was a blood test I could have taken to find an issue.

Thank you!

Thank you to everyone who read my blog yesterday.  At first I was just intending to share it with other people who had the same struggles: others from the websites and blogs that I read.  However, J Bird encouraged me to make it public to our friends and families.  I got a lot of texts, fb messages and emails telling me that people in our life had no idea that we were dealing with infertility, a miscarriage and endometriosis.  I had always prided myself on being very private and able to handle a lot stress without sharing it with others.

What I have learned is that by keeping my “issues” to myself or only telling my immediate family it made the issue seem soooo big.  Any piece of news I received from the doctor would bounce around in my head with no way of escape. By sharing my journey, it helps to diminish my issues.  I find friends and family members that have gone through the same exact things I am going through.  It creates a bond that would have not otherwise existed. 

In my first few entries I glossed over some key terms that I would like to explain (in my own words).  You may have heard of these words but may not be exactly sure what they meant.

Endometriosis: When the lining of your uterus grows in places outside of the uterus. Doctors do not know the cause of endo. It could be caused at the end of a women’s cycle when she sheds the lining (her period) and instead of the lining coming out of the body the lining goes back into the body into places it shouldn’t be. The symptoms can include; painful, heavy and long periods, painful intercourse, abdominal cramping, intestinal pain, rectal bleeding and fatigue to name a few.

Laparoscopy: A minor outpatient surgery where the doctor makes two incisions- one in the belly button and one near the pelvic area.  The doctor put a lighted microscope thing in the incisions and takes a look at your lady bits to find endometriosis.  (Obviously this is not the technical version!)

Hysteroscopy: While the doctor is looking at your reproductive and digestive systems with the laparascopy, if there is endometriosis he/she will use another tool to burn (ew) it off.

Clomid: Not quite a fertility drug, but a drug used to help a woman ovulate.  In my case, I was ovulating later and later and my luteal phase (time between ovulation and period) was too short.  At our house, we have nicknamed Clomid “crazy pills” cause they make me act a little cray cray.  Mood swings out of this world.  This last cycle I took them at night and found that during the days my moods were a tad more stable and I did not have any night flashes.

I am off to do hot yoga with the hubs.  Have a wonderful night J

Endo- diet

I have taken on the Endo diet since November 1st.  No dairy,  no soy, no gluten, no red meat, only organic meat, lots of fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds.  I've gotten most of my information for the diet from this book: Endometriosis: A key to healing through Nutrition.


Of course, I have had my cheat days.  Sometimes we go to Subway and I cannot resist getting a flatbread sandwich with pepper jack cheese and chicken.  And the holidays are pretty tough, as I make no special requests for food items.  I am fine to eat some of these items, but I definitely notice when I eat gluten.  I get a sharp pain in my lower abdomen.

I wanted to start this blog for a few reasons; 1) There are so many other women in the same exact position as me and I find relief in reading their blogs as well and 2) I can use this as a source to vent.  There is nothing more frustrating than trying to explain your feelings to friends and family and being told "It will happen!" "Stop stressing".  I know they are trying to be reassuring, but it just doesn't help!  I'd rather someone just listen and say "Yeah, that does suck".

I am hoping to use this blog mainly to vent, relate to others and post some new endo recipes.

Have a wonderful day!

The lap

I had the laparoscopy about a month ago. I was really nervous about the recovery.  I read everything from people going to work the next day to being out of commission for a month.
My mom flew in for the surgery and we were able to spend the day before eating bad for us Southern foods and shopping.  It was very relaxing.  I was not able to eat on the morning of my surgery so it's a good thing it was scheduled for 8 am.  Before they gave me the anesthesia they gave me some really good drugs and it was time to say goodnight to my husband and mom.  The surgery went quickly and I was home by 10am.  I was a little sore, but not too bad, I'm sure I was on a lot of pain killers at that time.  The rest of the day was spent napping on and off and the only real pain I had was gas pain under my diaphram and in my right shoulder.  I went to bed at 10 pm and woke at 3am.  I wasn't in pain, I think that I had too much sleep the day before.

The next two days I did not have any gas pains, was light headed upon standing up and experienced discomfort when trying to get off the couch.  I believe that I got my period that day because I was bleeding quite heavily.  I did not take any pain medications, was a little nauseous at night, but was able to sleep about 11 hours.  I was able to drive my self by day 3 and went back to work day 5.  I had to wear comfortable pants and make sure that I did not pick up any children, but overall it was only a minor discomfort.

After my surgery I kept asking my husband and mom how it went.  They would tell me good...but then there would be a silence.  Finally after much instance they told me.  The doctor had found endo on my uterus, bladder, ovaries and rectum. It is considered stage IV when it reaches the digestive system and since the rectum is a sensitive area, the doctor was unable to remove it there.  When the doctor spoke with J Bird after surgery he had seemed unsure of what the next step would be.

On Monday I call the doctor so that he can speak to me directly about what needed to happen next.  He considered the endo to be extensive and thought that I should take Lupron to decrease the endo on my rectum....ok.  So what's Lupron?? Oh, only a drug that would send my body into a "menopause-like" state for 6 months.  The news sent me reeling.  Before surgery I was told that I could go on Clomid the next month and start trying for a baby.  Now I had to wait 7 months to start trying again?!  I bawled in the parking lot of Marshalls until J Bird came over from work.  He reassured me that in the long scheme, 7 months was nothing. We could check off everything we had left on our newlywed bucket list.

So, I resigned myself to the fact that I would be experiencing hot flashes and mood swings for the next 6 months of my 29 year old life.  That is, until I started my internet research.  What I found on the world wide web was not positive reviews of Lupron, in fact, there were many lawsuits against the makers of Lupron because of the damaging side effects. I understand that some people only write negative reviews and those who have positive experiences may never write on the internet.  However, it wasn't a chance I was willing to take.

One option I thought sounded reasonable was the endo diet.  In short it's a gluten-free, soy-free and dairy-free diet.  So, all I have to do is not eat these foods and my endo pain will decrease?  Sounds much better to me than the alternative of losing bone density for the entirety of my life and being a bitch on wheels for 6 months.  So began my endo diet.  Which I quickly renamed my healthstyle.  Every time I told someone that I was on a "diet" they would say, "You don't need to lose weight!" and I would have to explain what I meant by diet and the purpose of my particular way of eating.  The way I started describing it, to avoid confusion, became my healthstyle. My new way of eating, not to lose weight, but to lose any of that icky endo that is still lurking around.

Let's pop my cherry

My first blog entry! How exciting.  First things first I'll explain why I felt the need to blog.  Over the past year and a half my husband (J bird) and I have been trying to get pregnant.  We got pregnant on our wedding night (woohoo!!) after 4-5 months of half-assed trying.  We felt so incredible lucky and blessed.  We had been sorta trying a few month before the wedding at the time when we knew I would not be showing for the wedding day.  When we saw the two lines on the pregnancy test we were both shocked...it was so easy! I spent the next month in a haze...doctors appointments, FitPregnancy magazines and tons of online research.  My brother and his girlfriend were 4 months pregnant so we flew home to share the incredible news with my family and to set up a registry at Babies R Us.  Yes a little early, but we were so caught up in the moment that we could not resist.

Fast forward to 8 weeks.  My first transvaginal ultrasound.  That morning I cooked eggs and had cracked an egg with 2 yolks.  Oh my gosh...does this mean we will hear two heartbeats at the ultrasound?  I hope so!  J Bird and I held hands as the nurse slathered my belly up with jelly.  The room was silent.  The nurse said she would have to get the doctor in the room to speak with us.  Immediately my eyes welled up with tears. The doctor delivered the news that there was no heart beat and the baby was not looking to be 8 weeks.  Heartbreak.  We waited another week to see if possibly the baby had grown at all and it was a fluke.  But it wasn't. We schedule the D & C immediately.

I can't begin to describe all of the emotions that I went through after hearing this news.  At first we were just shocked to get pregnant so fast and now we could not believe that we were not going to be having a baby.  We decided that we were just going to live like the newlyweds we were.  Spur of the moment trips, sleeping in as late as we want, doing whatever our hearts desire.  But that feeling was always there...we want to have a baby.

After a year of trying and no results I went back to the doctor and he prescribed Clomid almost as fast as I told him we had been trying for a year.  No bloodwork, no other questions.  After my first cycle of Clomid I began to experience very painful periods.  Debilitating.  After 3 very painful cycles I spoke with my doctor.  I had began experiencing pain with intercourse soon after the miscarriage and now had very painful periods.  He suspected it was Endometriosis and we scheduled a Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy.  Basically a surgery to go in, have a look at my lady parts, find endometriosis, and treat the endo by (yuck) burning it off.

In my next post I will talk about the results of the Laparoscopy and what has happened since!