Thank you!

Thank you to everyone who read my blog yesterday.  At first I was just intending to share it with other people who had the same struggles: others from the websites and blogs that I read.  However, J Bird encouraged me to make it public to our friends and families.  I got a lot of texts, fb messages and emails telling me that people in our life had no idea that we were dealing with infertility, a miscarriage and endometriosis.  I had always prided myself on being very private and able to handle a lot stress without sharing it with others.

What I have learned is that by keeping my “issues” to myself or only telling my immediate family it made the issue seem soooo big.  Any piece of news I received from the doctor would bounce around in my head with no way of escape. By sharing my journey, it helps to diminish my issues.  I find friends and family members that have gone through the same exact things I am going through.  It creates a bond that would have not otherwise existed. 

In my first few entries I glossed over some key terms that I would like to explain (in my own words).  You may have heard of these words but may not be exactly sure what they meant.

Endometriosis: When the lining of your uterus grows in places outside of the uterus. Doctors do not know the cause of endo. It could be caused at the end of a women’s cycle when she sheds the lining (her period) and instead of the lining coming out of the body the lining goes back into the body into places it shouldn’t be. The symptoms can include; painful, heavy and long periods, painful intercourse, abdominal cramping, intestinal pain, rectal bleeding and fatigue to name a few.

Laparoscopy: A minor outpatient surgery where the doctor makes two incisions- one in the belly button and one near the pelvic area.  The doctor put a lighted microscope thing in the incisions and takes a look at your lady bits to find endometriosis.  (Obviously this is not the technical version!)

Hysteroscopy: While the doctor is looking at your reproductive and digestive systems with the laparascopy, if there is endometriosis he/she will use another tool to burn (ew) it off.

Clomid: Not quite a fertility drug, but a drug used to help a woman ovulate.  In my case, I was ovulating later and later and my luteal phase (time between ovulation and period) was too short.  At our house, we have nicknamed Clomid “crazy pills” cause they make me act a little cray cray.  Mood swings out of this world.  This last cycle I took them at night and found that during the days my moods were a tad more stable and I did not have any night flashes.

I am off to do hot yoga with the hubs.  Have a wonderful night J

The lap

I had the laparoscopy about a month ago. I was really nervous about the recovery.  I read everything from people going to work the next day to being out of commission for a month.
My mom flew in for the surgery and we were able to spend the day before eating bad for us Southern foods and shopping.  It was very relaxing.  I was not able to eat on the morning of my surgery so it's a good thing it was scheduled for 8 am.  Before they gave me the anesthesia they gave me some really good drugs and it was time to say goodnight to my husband and mom.  The surgery went quickly and I was home by 10am.  I was a little sore, but not too bad, I'm sure I was on a lot of pain killers at that time.  The rest of the day was spent napping on and off and the only real pain I had was gas pain under my diaphram and in my right shoulder.  I went to bed at 10 pm and woke at 3am.  I wasn't in pain, I think that I had too much sleep the day before.

The next two days I did not have any gas pains, was light headed upon standing up and experienced discomfort when trying to get off the couch.  I believe that I got my period that day because I was bleeding quite heavily.  I did not take any pain medications, was a little nauseous at night, but was able to sleep about 11 hours.  I was able to drive my self by day 3 and went back to work day 5.  I had to wear comfortable pants and make sure that I did not pick up any children, but overall it was only a minor discomfort.

After my surgery I kept asking my husband and mom how it went.  They would tell me good...but then there would be a silence.  Finally after much instance they told me.  The doctor had found endo on my uterus, bladder, ovaries and rectum. It is considered stage IV when it reaches the digestive system and since the rectum is a sensitive area, the doctor was unable to remove it there.  When the doctor spoke with J Bird after surgery he had seemed unsure of what the next step would be.

On Monday I call the doctor so that he can speak to me directly about what needed to happen next.  He considered the endo to be extensive and thought that I should take Lupron to decrease the endo on my rectum....ok.  So what's Lupron?? Oh, only a drug that would send my body into a "menopause-like" state for 6 months.  The news sent me reeling.  Before surgery I was told that I could go on Clomid the next month and start trying for a baby.  Now I had to wait 7 months to start trying again?!  I bawled in the parking lot of Marshalls until J Bird came over from work.  He reassured me that in the long scheme, 7 months was nothing. We could check off everything we had left on our newlywed bucket list.

So, I resigned myself to the fact that I would be experiencing hot flashes and mood swings for the next 6 months of my 29 year old life.  That is, until I started my internet research.  What I found on the world wide web was not positive reviews of Lupron, in fact, there were many lawsuits against the makers of Lupron because of the damaging side effects. I understand that some people only write negative reviews and those who have positive experiences may never write on the internet.  However, it wasn't a chance I was willing to take.

One option I thought sounded reasonable was the endo diet.  In short it's a gluten-free, soy-free and dairy-free diet.  So, all I have to do is not eat these foods and my endo pain will decrease?  Sounds much better to me than the alternative of losing bone density for the entirety of my life and being a bitch on wheels for 6 months.  So began my endo diet.  Which I quickly renamed my healthstyle.  Every time I told someone that I was on a "diet" they would say, "You don't need to lose weight!" and I would have to explain what I meant by diet and the purpose of my particular way of eating.  The way I started describing it, to avoid confusion, became my healthstyle. My new way of eating, not to lose weight, but to lose any of that icky endo that is still lurking around.