So in love

I've been wanting to blog, but I just never knew where to start! I suppose I will just jump in.  I LOVE having twins.  When I go out in public with the girls I will get about 10 comments from strangers telling me, "You have your hands full!" And while this is a totally unhelpful observation (thanks!), I also do not feel like it is true.  My girls are so good and since my husband and I are pretty organized individuals, I feel like we got this having two children at once thing down.  J helps me with everything to do with the girls and just loves to spend his time playing with them.

I love the morning time when I go to one crib to say good morning and I get a big beautiful smile and giggles.  Then I go across the room and say good morning to the sister and get more smiles and giggles.  I love their unique personalities and even though I am not supposed to, comparing the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.  It truly has been a double blessing.

The only time I don't LOVE having twins is when I am having a special, sweet moment with one baby and I feel guilty because the other is left out.  There are times when I wish that I could shower all my attention and love on one baby, but the reality is there's two babies and I will always have to divide myself between them.

The girls are 5.5 months now! They have been sleeping through the night for 2 months. We were really diligent about sticking to a feeding and sleeping schedule and it paid off.   We have two good sleepers and two good eaters.  B is my sweet, bashful and cuddly baby.  She loves to imitate and move her mouth when we talk to her.  She always looks like she is trying so hard to speak! I is my vibrant, happy and curious baby.  She loves to look around and watch what is going on around her.  She has a BIG smile and flails her arms around when she gets super happy.  She loves to be sang to and will coo back at us.

We have been lucky that the girls are so healthy.  They weigh about 12-13 pounds. They had two colds so far, but that is it!  Both girls developed plagiocephaly, which basically means they have flat spots on their heads.  To help correct the flat spots we opted to get helmets.  They will wear them for 3-4 months.  We were a little sad that we couldn't kiss their sweet heads whenever we wanted, but we think it is for the best to do it now.

Here they are at 4.5 months...making their first blog appearance!

I

B

The transition to motherhood

Ever since B & I were born, I have been adjusting to the "new normal".  For 6 weeks the girls were in the NICU.  The very beginning was so hard and nothing can ever prepare you to see your baby girls in incubators for the first month of their lives. It is not the worst to see them there in the hospital, but when you aren't able to hold them, kiss them, feel their skin against yours...that's the worst.  But you adjust.  It becomes the new normal.  Driving to the hospital two times a day, day in and day out.  Sitting and staring at your babies.  Reaching in through two arm holes to touch their soft skin.  Holding your babies for 20 minutes after they have been fed through a g-tube.  Having someone tell you, "your time is up" meaning, it's time to stop cuddling with your little miracle and lay her back down in isolation.

Then your babies begin to eat from a bottle! And you get to hold them while they eat!! Oh, how we relished this extra time to hold our girls and stare into their eyes.  Sometimes the nurses would leave the room and we would get to hold them for an extra 10-15 minutes and it felt like an eternity.  Everyone says it is not possible to spoil an infant, but as parents we sure felt like we were being spoiled by these precious extra minutes.  Eventually, the doctors tell you that you are able to hold them whenever you want! You adjust again, in a good way.

Then you bring your babies home.  It has been six weeks of inching along to motherhood.  No baby was placed in my arms after delivery for which I was solely responsible for.  There has always been a nurse taking care of them and when I came to visit I was more like the aunty who got to feed them and rock them to sleep.  The girls are all ours to care for and I am absolutely loving it!  There are no time restrictions and no one is looking over my shoulder as I spend time cuddling my babies.  The transition to motherhood is complete.

I belong with you, you belong with me. You're my sweetheart

The girls are 12 days old and are doing so well!  Again, if anyone wants more info about the girls or to see pictures I will be happy to send you an invitation to our Care Pages.  Just send me an email with your email.

My emotional state has been all over the place.  Post-pregnancy hormones topped with the stress of having two children in the NICU have caused me to become weepy a few times a day since leaving the hospital.  For example I've been in 6 stores since having the girls and I cried in 3 of them. What, you never had a breakdown in the produce aisle of Publix?? Well, welcome to my world.  It seems that if I even think about the girls and that I am not able to be with them 24-7 I want to cry.  It is hard to spend time away from them and not feel guilty about it.  I know they are well taken care of and even when I am with them, I am only allowed a certain amount of physical contact with them but I just feel so bad that we haven't had the chance to be a family together in our home yet.

It has almost been 2 weeks since they have been in the NICU and they will probably be there another 3 weeks.  J and I have settled into a routine of visiting them at certain times of the day.  The NICU is closed from 6-8pm which just happens to be the best time for us to see the girls when J gets of work.  So, usually we cannot go until 8 and when we are there time just goes so fast.  After we change, feed and hold them it is 9 and time to get home.  It makes for a later night than we would have otherwise.  Obviously, we will be getting up with them in the middle of the night when they are home, but that is totally different.

My recovery from the C-section has gone pretty well.  I took the pain meds for about a week and when I stopped I realized that the pain had probably gone away before that point, but I was just so sore from returning to normal activities that I couldn't tell the difference.  I started driving this Monday! Wow, it was weird after not being able to be independent for 2 months.  Although I would give anything for the girls to be home, this time has allowed me to rest when I need to and recover from being on bed rest for 2 months and work up my strength to do every day, normal tasks.  I'm 5 lbs higher than my pre-pregnancy weight and I cannot complain about how my body has returned to almost normal.  I still have the linea nigra and my stomach is doughy but for the most part I don't look like I just had twins.  My body apparently rejects every aspect of getting pregnant and staying pregnant!  The pumping and night sweats have helped get back to normal.  PS why didn't anyone warn me about crazy night sweats after giving birth?? OMG I wake up and my sheets are soaked along with everything I am wearing.  It's an awful cycle because you are hot and sweating first, then freezing because the sheets are wet and you feel disgusting.  Between pumping and sweating I am not getting great sleep, but I guess I should just get used to that!

Our Miracles have arrived

After numerous fertility treatments and 2 months of bed rest our girls made a surprise entry into the world saturday morning the 29th at 30w2d.  The night before I had been experiencing bad back pain that would not let up and pressure down low.  I could not tell if the pressure was more than usual or not but I thought I would try to get some sleep and if my symptoms remained, I would call labor and delivery in the morning.  I got a few hours of sleep and when I woke up at 4am the pressure and back pain was beginning to get worse.  I was having some back labor contractions but there was no pattern so I waited for J to get up around 630am.  Right away I told him to start packing bags, I was going to call L & D and they would most likely tell me to come in.

As soon as I got out of bed to pack our bags the back labor became worse and I started having contractions around every 7-10 minutes.  Luckily, I had made our hospital bag list the night before and we were able to get everything ready quickly.  We jumped in the car and within the 20 minute car ride my contractions became closer and closer together- every 1.5-2 minutes.  We were taken straight to triage where they told me they could feel baby A's head (wow!), I was 100% effaced and 1 cm dilated.  They took me to a labor and delivery room that was connected to an operating room and began the magnesium drip.  Our MFM had told me we would not try to stop labor once it started, but I guess this doctor didn't get the memo and I was too out of it to say anything.  The doctor said the mag drip would help slow contractions and buy us anywhere from a few hours to a few days if I was in false labor.  We kind of relaxed at this point because we thought maybe I would just have to stay in the hospital for a few more weeks until the babies arrived.  Then the doctor performed another check and realized that now I was 3 cm dilated and the mag drip was not helping at all!  To our surprise he said, "OK lets get the OR room prepped and get a team together.  We are going to have these babies"

My gosh, we were in so much shock!  We had arrived at the hospital at 730am and by this time it was only 930.  To say things moved fast is an understatement.  We signed all the papers and the nurses moved me into the OR room.  A C-section was necessary because while baby A was head down....and verrrry ready to come out vaginally, Baby B was double footling breach and it would be risky to do a vaginal delivery and try to flip baby B.  I would have risked having to give birth both ways! Um, no thanks.  By 1015am I got a spinal and some morphine.  The spinal did not hurt at all, but the morphine made me scratch my face through the whole delivery and the entire day.  After the spinal J was allowed to come into the OR.  I could not see anything going on down below, so J helped to talk me through everything and keep me calm.  At 1040 our Baby girl A was born.  She was 3.2lb and 17 inches long.  So long!! They brought her to my face so that I could see her, but I was not allowed to move my arms so unfortunately I couldn't hold her.  Baby B had a more difficult delivery because she was double footling breech.  Both of her legs were very bruised through delivery but everything else was fine.  Baby was 3.2 lb and 15.5 inches long.  Again they brought her to my face and I was able to kiss her beautiful little face.

Both girls were taken to the NICU immediately, but the doctors reassured us that they were a great weight and healthy little girls!  J got to go to the NICU with them and I stayed on the table getting myself put back together.  Because of the way B was in the womb they had to make an up-down incision on my uterus to get her out when usually they make an incision the other way.  I was very fortunate because the physicians assistant that was helping out had interned for four years at a plastic surgery facility so he spent extra time and care putting me back together with internal stitches and glue on the outside.  My incision looked good immediately after when I was able to see it.

In the NICU the girls were put into their incubators but were able to breath room-air oxygen!  Everything else checked out great with them and the doctors told us they would probably spend 4-6 weeks in the NICU so that they could be continuously monitored, gain weight and learn how to feed.  The doctors have let us know that it is not unusual to have some "set backs" while in the NICU, but that if those were their babies they would be very happy with how healthy they are considering they were born at 30 weeks.  I probably won't be updating this blog too much with personal information about the girls, but if you would like to be updated through their carepages please send me your email address and I will send you a link.

It has already been emotionally draining to have two children in the NICU but we are just thanking God that despite being small they are healthy and so beautiful.  We cherish every second we are able to spend with them and celebrate every single milestone.

Week 28 update

It is the first time I have done one of these. At first I felt these were only for regular pregnant people...not the formerly infertile ones!

How far along? 28 weeks

How big is baby? Some weird fruit that I am too lazy to look up.

Total weight gain/loss:  Up 20 lbs.  I am happy with that! Even if I gain 2 lbs every week here on out like suggested for twins it will end up being roughly 36-38 lbs.

Maternity clothes? Uh, duh.  I am wearing regular tights and sweat pants ( no need for anything else) because I do not like anything over my stomach, but I definitely need maternity shirts to cover this big ol belly.

Sleep: Ambien anyone?  It is difficult to sleep in a hospital so the nurses practically push Ambien.  At first I resisted, but when I gave in I realized what a difference it makes.  When I get a good night's sleep I can deal with a full day of doing nothing.

Best moment this week: Signing my discharge papers to go home!

Movement: Yes.  Baby A kicks in my pelvic region and along my pant line. Some times she runs her hand or foot along my stomach which feels so strange.  I feel Baby B very seldom.  Either that or I cannot distinguish between the two.  Both are facing towards my spine so I probably only feel a small portion of their movements.  

Food cravings: Not a craving, I would just like a Starbucks when I feel like getting one.  J brings them to me on the weekend when I ask, but there is a Starbucks in the cafeteria down stairs just teasing me!  I can't get to it unless someone wheels me down there and they keep really weird hours.

Food Aversions: Um not that I can think of!

Gender: My two little ladies

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks, uterine tightness, contractions, short cervix, irritable uterus. My uterus is very angry with me

Pregnancy Symptoms:  Hurts to lay on my right side, achy legs at times, leaking boobs (already??)

Belly Button in or out? In a state of limbo.  Not flat, but definitely not like it used to be

What I miss:  Being in the real world, doing things for myself, sleeping without being medicated

What I am looking forward to: Going home to this place

This pic was taken two years ago...the last time we had a real snow

Upcoming appointments/events:  I do not have any appointments for a week! After seeing the doctors every day and having an ultrasound once or twice a week this seems like an eternity.

Weekly Wisdom: Compression stockings...I hear a lot of people talking about swelling in their legs and feet.  I have not had any issues and I think it is from wearing these stockings.  Not the most stylish things but I am not trying to impress anyone right now lol.

Milestones: Goodness gracious I cannot think of any baby milestones that I am looking forward to.  That's sad. Things I was looking forward to: 3d/4d, baby classes, maternity photos are now things I won't be able to do.  Boo hoo.  From here on out it was just be baby checkup and growth scans which I always look forward to!

Bed Rest Musings

I really thought I would write more on the blog while I was on bed rest but I have just been sooooo busy….not!

My typical day here starts with a 6 am medication and a blood pressure check.  The medicine that I am on (Procardia) requires that my blood pressure is above 100/50 to take.  I usually try to go back to sleep until 730 when a technician bursts through my door to take my blood pressure and temperature (vitals).  From there it is just a barrage of people coming through my door!  People think bed rest must be great for rest, but when you are in a hospital it can be anything but.  From 730 on I see 2 doctors, 1 nurse, 1 technician, 1 house cleaner, and food service deliverers depending how many times I get room service.  I see the nurse a lot less now because my other medication (Indocin) was stopped at 27 weeks.  Some people knock on the door, some people don’t.  Those who DO knock usually don’t wait for a reply!  The other day a doctor knocked on my door and when I replied that I was getting dressed, he just walked in and had a conversation with me while I had one leg in my pants, underwear hanging out and all.  Not awkward.

I get a Non-Stress Test (NST) twice a day for 20 minutes each time, but it usually takes longer because the babies will fall off the monitors.  

Bottom pink strap= Baby A (so low it has to be put in my pants!), middle pink= contraction monitor, top blue= Baby B

The top blue line is Baby A's heartbeat and the pink line interlacing with it is Baby B's.  The Bottom line is my contraction monitor.  I was having a very low irritability day so the line is really flat for me!

The NST monitors how reactive the babies are (how much they are moving around and if their heartbeats go up and down at the appropriate times) and also if I am having any contractions.     It has really helped me to know exactly the difference between uterine tightening, Braxton Hicks and contractions.  I have really only felt two contractions since I have been here, but initially I was brought into the hospital for preterm labor and the doctor told me I was having contractions every 30 sec-1 minute.  That was scary because I didn’t feel it at all!  That night I was put on Dilaudid which in an IV medicine.  It helped to relax my uterus and made me feel warm and fuzzy before it knocked me out.

The babies were looking awesome at the last ultrasound on Friday.  Baby A weighed 2.5 and Baby B weighed 2.4.  Those are very average weights for a singleton, so pretty good for twins.  It is also reassuring that they are close in weight and one baby is not getting more nutrients than the other.  No one is checking my cervix any more because they do not want to irritate it any further.  If my water does not break I am allowed to go home and continue strict bed rest on Thursday!  Just in time for my mom to visit for a few weeks.  My dad and one of my brothers are also going to come down next week for a few days.  I am so happy that I will be able to get out of the hospital in time for Christmas and I am able to spend it with my family!  I am so grateful that my body’s status has not changed in the 6 weeks I have been here and these babies get to bake a little longer. Bed rest really does make all the difference in a high-risk pregnancy.

Omg what a funny 3 week comparison! Look how much we've grown.  The babies (and my belly) went through a serious growth spurt from 24-27 weeks.

30 days of thanks, Nashville Shower, & 1 year of blogging!

Too much excitement for one post!

Start off with catching up on my thanks-giving
Day 11- Thankful for all of my friends and family who put together such a lovely shower even with a change of venue!
Day 12- Thankful for all of the beautiful clothing, blankets, books and other gifts we received for our girls.  I loved having it all in my room to stare at for a few days and take photo ops with!
Day 13- Thankful for online shopping.  I am able to buy what I need without sending J to the store to get himself in a tizzy.
Day 14- Week 24! My beautiful girls are holding on a received their first steroid shot at exactly 12am last night and will be receiving their final shot at 12 tonight.  This shot helps to mature their lungs should they be born early.
Day 15- So thankful for an invitation to the NICU support group.  I really didn't care what the support group was for, I just wanted to get out of my room for an hour!
Day 16- Thankful for the nurse who calmed me down after having a miserable day.  My body was aching from laying on my sides and whenever I lay on my back I become short of breath.  She suggested an Ambien & Tylenol cocktail and I slept like a baby and the next day my soreness had gone away.
Day 17- Thankful for my 1 year of blogging!  I am grateful to have this outlet that has seen my through endometriosis, infertility, fertility drugs, IVF and now pregnancy.  It allowed me to connect with people that are in my life in a totally different way.

I wanted to share pictures from the shower last Sunday. We had the shower planned for the 11th and even though I was in the hospital I still wanted to have it because we have no way of predicting what is going to happen in the upcoming months with the babies arrivals and I knew that everyone had worked really hard to make the shower special.  Here are some of the pictures from that day!

Ready for the day!

Fruit carriage

Diaper stroller 

Car Seats!

Grateful to have so many people come to the shower!

Swag!