Last Sunday my grandmother passed away. The news of course made me sad, but also gave me a sense of relief. My grandmother had suffered from Alzheimer’s for about 6 or 7 years before her passing. In the beginning the disease was slow and we when we would visit at her home with her, we would hear the same stories from her childhood over and over again sometimes multiple times in one visit. After my grandfathers passing it seemed to get worse much quicker. She was truly heart broken when he died and I believe that made her disease progress that much faster. I think she had been strong for him at the end of his life because he too had suffered from Alzheimer’s.
Towards the end of my grandmother’s life, this terrible disease stripped her of everything she once had. Her memories of life during the Depression, meeting my grandfather, having a wonderfully large family and even her speech disappeared. When I went to visit her the last few times I would have done anything to hear her tell a story about the day she first saw my grandfather or their trip to Hawaii, even though I knew the stories verbatim. I am thankful that my husband got to meet her and a few times witness her sharp wit in the beginning of our relationship. During the past year just seeing my grandmother would send me to tears, but he was able to hold me together for it and he would talk to her. I was so grateful to have him there with me on our visits because he was so good to her, so kind when I couldn’t seem to say anything.
I was blessed to spend a lot of time with my grandparents even living with them when I was a senior in high school. But more than any specific memories that stand out to me are the long-lasting life lessons that I will carry with me forever.
Whenever my grandfather would see me he would say to me, “There’s my pretty”. If my grandmother was in earshot she would say back, “But beauty fades. Brains are what lasts.” For me it was a nice shot of confidence and realism. It’s okay to look good or work on your appearance, but you can’t have that forever. It was always very important to me to get a good education, a good job, support myself and be independent. Her words inspired me to get my Master’s and get Board Certified.
She also taught me the importance of doing things for others, especially people you don’t know in the way of volunteering. When I was about 10 years old she started sending me to volunteer at a nursing home with one of her neighbors. I would help them play Bingo or just sit and visit with them. I think I developed empathy at a young age because of this and it lead me to a career working with children and adults with disabilities.
One final thing both of my grandparents taught me was without saying a single word, they showed me how important family is. Through their actions I saw how they would do whatever they could to help any family member. They took in several family members, including myself when we needed a place to go. They would sit with us for hours at their kitchen table and back porch just talking about our lives and what was going on. And when we left their house, we always had some kind of treat in our hand. Maybe a candy bar or maybe some change. My grandmother would look around the house for some knick knack to give us, saying she didn’t need it anymore. Two times she tried to give me a Jimmy Rollins bobble head doll, but I had to refuse that one because it was a gift that I had given to her because he was her favorite Phillie. When my grandfather was still alive we would have all of our holidays at their house, which was no small feat considering they had 8 children, 17 grandchildren and 21 great-grandchildren and then factor in spouses.
I miss so much about my grandparents but I know that I learned so much from them and I am forever grateful to have had that opportunity.
