Ever since B & I were born, I have been adjusting to the "new normal". For 6 weeks the girls were in the NICU. The very beginning was so hard and nothing can ever prepare you to see your baby girls in incubators for the first month of their lives. It is not the worst to see them there in the hospital, but when you aren't able to hold them, kiss them, feel their skin against yours...that's the worst. But you adjust. It becomes the new normal. Driving to the hospital two times a day, day in and day out. Sitting and staring at your babies. Reaching in through two arm holes to touch their soft skin. Holding your babies for 20 minutes after they have been fed through a g-tube. Having someone tell you, "your time is up" meaning, it's time to stop cuddling with your little miracle and lay her back down in isolation.
Then your babies begin to eat from a bottle! And you get to hold them while they eat!! Oh, how we relished this extra time to hold our girls and stare into their eyes. Sometimes the nurses would leave the room and we would get to hold them for an extra 10-15 minutes and it felt like an eternity. Everyone says it is not possible to spoil an infant, but as parents we sure felt like we were being spoiled by these precious extra minutes. Eventually, the doctors tell you that you are able to hold them whenever you want! You adjust again, in a good way.
Then you bring your babies home. It has been six weeks of inching along to motherhood. No baby was placed in my arms after delivery for which I was solely responsible for. There has always been a nurse taking care of them and when I came to visit I was more like the aunty who got to feed them and rock them to sleep. The girls are all ours to care for and I am absolutely loving it! There are no time restrictions and no one is looking over my shoulder as I spend time cuddling my babies. The transition to motherhood is complete.
