9 months

I always thought parents were exaggerating when they would exclaim that they could not believe how fast their children were growing up. Now I totally understand.  You give birth and then in the blink of an eye, your tiny babies are 9 months old. These girls are getting more fun by the day. They giggle at the silliest things we do and they have really started interacting with each other.  Most of the time it's a smack in the face, hair pulling or toy-stealing, but sometimes they just look at each other and share the sweetest of smiles.

Daddy just gave me some smoothie...now let me give you a kiss

sister love.  A smoothie smooch

In August we survived our first airplane ride and hotel stay.  The airplane was a breeze.  Both girls ate a bottle upon take off and then took a nap.  Luckily, the hotel we stay in has suites so we set up two pack n plays in the living room area for the girls to sleep in.  Ivey can sleep through anything so she slept very well.  We had to bring Brooklyn in our room a few nights to sleep in our bed.  We had never let them sleep in our bed because 1) we were scared to death to do so and 2) we didn't want them to get used to sleeping in our bed.  But it worked out as a short-term solution.

See our little sleeping marshmallows?

At home we put the girls into separate bedrooms.  It felt really wrong...they have always been in the same womb, NICU room, bedroom.  In fact I felt so uneasy the first night we split them up that I went sleepwalking (or running as J put it) off the end of our bed!  We have a sleigh bed frame and I actually broke it.  I guess I ran off the edge and fell right on the floor.  I had a mean bruise but luckily I didn't do anything really crazy.  Anyway, Ivey could sleep through the night and Brooklyn was having some issues.  We were able to get Brooklyn back on track, but now that they are separated I think we will keep it that way until they are old enough to choose to be together.

Both girls started sitting unassisted around 7 months.  No one is crawling yet, but Ivey has started trying to pull herself up on furniture.  I really believe Brooklyn will skip crawling all together because the girl just wants to walk.  They both take steps forward when we hold their hands.  Life with two 9 month olds is very busy.  We are lucky because they are on great schedules and sleep a total of approx 12 hours at night and take 2 naps during the day, but I am usually worn down at night.  I would have to say this phase is more tiring than the newborn stage, at least for me.   I had no issues at all waking in the middle of the night to feed them then, but now if there is one night-time wake up, it kills me!  But I would not trade them for anything in this world, they are just the sweetest little girls I could ever imagine.

Twin Life Part 2

* Pumping/Nursing: While pregnant, I decided that I was going to breastfeed.  Since the girls were born at 30 weeks gestation, they came without the ability to suck.  They needed to be fed through a feeding tube until around 34 weeks when we were able to introduce bottles.  It was only around that time was I able to begin practicing breastfeeding.  I have to admit, I probably didn't try as hard as I could have.  As soon as the girls were born I started pumping, and man was it a lot of work.  In the beginning I was pumping 10-12 times a day to kickstart production.  I was actually pretty lucky that my milk came in almost right away and I produced enough for the girls feedings.

The only way for the girls to learn how to breastfeed was to pump milk, feed milk through a bottle and THEN actually try to breastfeed.  Talk about a lot of work- especially with two babies!  I had help from the lactation consultants a few times, but the girls just didn't seem to latch so I put it on the back burner and decided to become an exclusive pumper.  For about the first 3 months I pumped religiously every 3 hours.  While they were in the NICU I felt like it was my duty to get up in the middle of the night (as I would have if they were home) to pump.  I was able to fill our entire deep freezer full of extra milk.  Eventually I settled into pumping 4-5 times a day and for the past month I only pumped 3 times a day.  I set a goal of doing it for 6 months and I made it!  I felt guilty for "giving up" at 6 months so I stuck it out for another month.  I quickly ran through my freezer stash and now that the girls are almost 7 months I decided to stop completely. The first time the girls had formula was this month, so I feel pretty good about that.  There is nothing wrong with formula, but breast milk is pushed so hard in our culture these days that it is hard to avoid feelings of guilt when you decide to stop nursing especially if there is no medical reason to do so.

* Staying at home: Before getting pregnant and even while I was on bed rest I was dead set on going back to work.  I really enjoy my profession and love working with children.  Working has been part of my identity since I was 14 (yes, you can have a job at 14 in Pennsylvania!).  I felt that without work I would be bored or lose a part of myself.  Well, once the girls came home I realized that I didn't want to go back to work, at least not right away! My babies were all-consuming and I just wanted to spend all of my time with them.  Not to mention- it takes a lot of energy to take care of my little nuggets.  J and I had a discussion about it and we felt that it was best for me to stay home with the ladies.  We had a test run of what finances would be like if I did not work while I was in the hospital and we realized that it was totally manageable to live off one salary.

I admit, some days seem to drag on especially in the afternoon.  It's so hot outside that I prefer not to take the girls outside for a walk and with them being so little our options are kind of limited right now.  Thankfully, we have family that have offered to watch the girls while I go to the gym or run errands.  It is so nice to get a break for a few hours a few times a week.  I feel refreshed when I get back to the girls.  We also made a big step and left the girls at the drop-off center at the Y.  It was so difficult the first time and I felt so nervous even though they were in the same building with me, but the staff were so kind and took to the girls that I can't help but feel more relaxed with the situation.

Twin life Part 1

Now that the girls are almost 7 months old, I've had some time to reflect on what worked for us and things we could have done differently.  I swear, the first few months of having twins was easy! Everyone would probably want to slap me in the face for saying that, but my babies were very cooperative with what I wanted them to do.  As we approached the 5-6 month mark things started to change.  They started teething and it affected their sleep...which in turn affected my sleep! I never minded getting up with them 3 times (or more) a night in the beginning.  They started sleeping 10-12 hours a night around 3.5 months.  During their sleep regression, even getting up once a night made me feel exhausted the next day. They also never napped at the same time during the day, so I was constantly in "on" mode.  Things are slowly getting back on track and my little ladies are napping in their cribs as we speak.

So what makes this twin life work?  Here's a few things:

* Same feeding schedule:  When one eats, the other eats.  I lay one baby on my lap and the other next to me, plop those bottles in and feed away.  When they are both finished I burp one and change her diaper.  When the other finishes I burp and change her.  The whole process usually takes around 20 mins.

* Night Sleep:  Sleeping has been a work in progress, as I assume it is in most families. We set the environment- "train ride" app on as loud as the Ipad allows, ceiling fan and floor fan on, Merlin Magic Sleepsuit, and room darkening shades.  At night we do man on man coverage.  We each put the girls in their sleepsuits, feed them and put them in their cribs.  I always insisted the girls sleep in their cribs, because I thought the transition of a bassinet or rock n play was unnecessary and I didn't want to have to fight that battle.  We try to rock the girls and shh them until they are drowsy, but not completely asleep.  It was important to us that they both knew how to comfort themselves to sleep so that if they woke up in the middle of the night it wasn't always necessary to cry for mom or dad to come rock them to sleep.

* Day Sleep: Still working on this one! I am trying to get them on a real nap schedule instead of just letting them fall asleep whenever.  They have started waking up around 6am each morning. Pretty early, but that's ok with me. I am just happy that they are showing some sign of having a regular wake up time. My plan is to put one in her bed (my short napper) and the other in the swing downstairs two hours after wake up.  I want to separate them because one may have a harder time falling asleep or she may wake up early and wake up the other.  I would like to establish one afternoon nap 2-3 hours after the morning nap and so far this week I have been successful in doing that. I also want to limit naps to 1-1.5 hours.  One baby would sleep all day if I let her!

Of course we don't have everything figured out and when we feel like we do, the babies throw a curve ball at us.  I intend to write more parts of this "Twin Life" whenever I get a moment to myself, which if nap time keeps going well, will hopefully be soon!

Merlin Magic Sleepsuit...seriously it's magic

6 Months

Look at the belly.  Can you believe she was born at 3.2 lbs?

Spa day for My Little Ladies

So in love

I've been wanting to blog, but I just never knew where to start! I suppose I will just jump in.  I LOVE having twins.  When I go out in public with the girls I will get about 10 comments from strangers telling me, "You have your hands full!" And while this is a totally unhelpful observation (thanks!), I also do not feel like it is true.  My girls are so good and since my husband and I are pretty organized individuals, I feel like we got this having two children at once thing down.  J helps me with everything to do with the girls and just loves to spend his time playing with them.

I love the morning time when I go to one crib to say good morning and I get a big beautiful smile and giggles.  Then I go across the room and say good morning to the sister and get more smiles and giggles.  I love their unique personalities and even though I am not supposed to, comparing the ways they are similar and the ways they are different.  It truly has been a double blessing.

The only time I don't LOVE having twins is when I am having a special, sweet moment with one baby and I feel guilty because the other is left out.  There are times when I wish that I could shower all my attention and love on one baby, but the reality is there's two babies and I will always have to divide myself between them.

The girls are 5.5 months now! They have been sleeping through the night for 2 months. We were really diligent about sticking to a feeding and sleeping schedule and it paid off.   We have two good sleepers and two good eaters.  B is my sweet, bashful and cuddly baby.  She loves to imitate and move her mouth when we talk to her.  She always looks like she is trying so hard to speak! I is my vibrant, happy and curious baby.  She loves to look around and watch what is going on around her.  She has a BIG smile and flails her arms around when she gets super happy.  She loves to be sang to and will coo back at us.

We have been lucky that the girls are so healthy.  They weigh about 12-13 pounds. They had two colds so far, but that is it!  Both girls developed plagiocephaly, which basically means they have flat spots on their heads.  To help correct the flat spots we opted to get helmets.  They will wear them for 3-4 months.  We were a little sad that we couldn't kiss their sweet heads whenever we wanted, but we think it is for the best to do it now.

Here they are at 4.5 months...making their first blog appearance!

I

B

The transition to motherhood

Ever since B & I were born, I have been adjusting to the "new normal".  For 6 weeks the girls were in the NICU.  The very beginning was so hard and nothing can ever prepare you to see your baby girls in incubators for the first month of their lives. It is not the worst to see them there in the hospital, but when you aren't able to hold them, kiss them, feel their skin against yours...that's the worst.  But you adjust.  It becomes the new normal.  Driving to the hospital two times a day, day in and day out.  Sitting and staring at your babies.  Reaching in through two arm holes to touch their soft skin.  Holding your babies for 20 minutes after they have been fed through a g-tube.  Having someone tell you, "your time is up" meaning, it's time to stop cuddling with your little miracle and lay her back down in isolation.

Then your babies begin to eat from a bottle! And you get to hold them while they eat!! Oh, how we relished this extra time to hold our girls and stare into their eyes.  Sometimes the nurses would leave the room and we would get to hold them for an extra 10-15 minutes and it felt like an eternity.  Everyone says it is not possible to spoil an infant, but as parents we sure felt like we were being spoiled by these precious extra minutes.  Eventually, the doctors tell you that you are able to hold them whenever you want! You adjust again, in a good way.

Then you bring your babies home.  It has been six weeks of inching along to motherhood.  No baby was placed in my arms after delivery for which I was solely responsible for.  There has always been a nurse taking care of them and when I came to visit I was more like the aunty who got to feed them and rock them to sleep.  The girls are all ours to care for and I am absolutely loving it!  There are no time restrictions and no one is looking over my shoulder as I spend time cuddling my babies.  The transition to motherhood is complete.

I belong with you, you belong with me. You're my sweetheart

The girls are 12 days old and are doing so well!  Again, if anyone wants more info about the girls or to see pictures I will be happy to send you an invitation to our Care Pages.  Just send me an email with your email.

My emotional state has been all over the place.  Post-pregnancy hormones topped with the stress of having two children in the NICU have caused me to become weepy a few times a day since leaving the hospital.  For example I've been in 6 stores since having the girls and I cried in 3 of them. What, you never had a breakdown in the produce aisle of Publix?? Well, welcome to my world.  It seems that if I even think about the girls and that I am not able to be with them 24-7 I want to cry.  It is hard to spend time away from them and not feel guilty about it.  I know they are well taken care of and even when I am with them, I am only allowed a certain amount of physical contact with them but I just feel so bad that we haven't had the chance to be a family together in our home yet.

It has almost been 2 weeks since they have been in the NICU and they will probably be there another 3 weeks.  J and I have settled into a routine of visiting them at certain times of the day.  The NICU is closed from 6-8pm which just happens to be the best time for us to see the girls when J gets of work.  So, usually we cannot go until 8 and when we are there time just goes so fast.  After we change, feed and hold them it is 9 and time to get home.  It makes for a later night than we would have otherwise.  Obviously, we will be getting up with them in the middle of the night when they are home, but that is totally different.

My recovery from the C-section has gone pretty well.  I took the pain meds for about a week and when I stopped I realized that the pain had probably gone away before that point, but I was just so sore from returning to normal activities that I couldn't tell the difference.  I started driving this Monday! Wow, it was weird after not being able to be independent for 2 months.  Although I would give anything for the girls to be home, this time has allowed me to rest when I need to and recover from being on bed rest for 2 months and work up my strength to do every day, normal tasks.  I'm 5 lbs higher than my pre-pregnancy weight and I cannot complain about how my body has returned to almost normal.  I still have the linea nigra and my stomach is doughy but for the most part I don't look like I just had twins.  My body apparently rejects every aspect of getting pregnant and staying pregnant!  The pumping and night sweats have helped get back to normal.  PS why didn't anyone warn me about crazy night sweats after giving birth?? OMG I wake up and my sheets are soaked along with everything I am wearing.  It's an awful cycle because you are hot and sweating first, then freezing because the sheets are wet and you feel disgusting.  Between pumping and sweating I am not getting great sleep, but I guess I should just get used to that!

Our Miracles have arrived

After numerous fertility treatments and 2 months of bed rest our girls made a surprise entry into the world saturday morning the 29th at 30w2d.  The night before I had been experiencing bad back pain that would not let up and pressure down low.  I could not tell if the pressure was more than usual or not but I thought I would try to get some sleep and if my symptoms remained, I would call labor and delivery in the morning.  I got a few hours of sleep and when I woke up at 4am the pressure and back pain was beginning to get worse.  I was having some back labor contractions but there was no pattern so I waited for J to get up around 630am.  Right away I told him to start packing bags, I was going to call L & D and they would most likely tell me to come in.

As soon as I got out of bed to pack our bags the back labor became worse and I started having contractions around every 7-10 minutes.  Luckily, I had made our hospital bag list the night before and we were able to get everything ready quickly.  We jumped in the car and within the 20 minute car ride my contractions became closer and closer together- every 1.5-2 minutes.  We were taken straight to triage where they told me they could feel baby A's head (wow!), I was 100% effaced and 1 cm dilated.  They took me to a labor and delivery room that was connected to an operating room and began the magnesium drip.  Our MFM had told me we would not try to stop labor once it started, but I guess this doctor didn't get the memo and I was too out of it to say anything.  The doctor said the mag drip would help slow contractions and buy us anywhere from a few hours to a few days if I was in false labor.  We kind of relaxed at this point because we thought maybe I would just have to stay in the hospital for a few more weeks until the babies arrived.  Then the doctor performed another check and realized that now I was 3 cm dilated and the mag drip was not helping at all!  To our surprise he said, "OK lets get the OR room prepped and get a team together.  We are going to have these babies"

My gosh, we were in so much shock!  We had arrived at the hospital at 730am and by this time it was only 930.  To say things moved fast is an understatement.  We signed all the papers and the nurses moved me into the OR room.  A C-section was necessary because while baby A was head down....and verrrry ready to come out vaginally, Baby B was double footling breach and it would be risky to do a vaginal delivery and try to flip baby B.  I would have risked having to give birth both ways! Um, no thanks.  By 1015am I got a spinal and some morphine.  The spinal did not hurt at all, but the morphine made me scratch my face through the whole delivery and the entire day.  After the spinal J was allowed to come into the OR.  I could not see anything going on down below, so J helped to talk me through everything and keep me calm.  At 1040 our Baby girl A was born.  She was 3.2lb and 17 inches long.  So long!! They brought her to my face so that I could see her, but I was not allowed to move my arms so unfortunately I couldn't hold her.  Baby B had a more difficult delivery because she was double footling breech.  Both of her legs were very bruised through delivery but everything else was fine.  Baby was 3.2 lb and 15.5 inches long.  Again they brought her to my face and I was able to kiss her beautiful little face.

Both girls were taken to the NICU immediately, but the doctors reassured us that they were a great weight and healthy little girls!  J got to go to the NICU with them and I stayed on the table getting myself put back together.  Because of the way B was in the womb they had to make an up-down incision on my uterus to get her out when usually they make an incision the other way.  I was very fortunate because the physicians assistant that was helping out had interned for four years at a plastic surgery facility so he spent extra time and care putting me back together with internal stitches and glue on the outside.  My incision looked good immediately after when I was able to see it.

In the NICU the girls were put into their incubators but were able to breath room-air oxygen!  Everything else checked out great with them and the doctors told us they would probably spend 4-6 weeks in the NICU so that they could be continuously monitored, gain weight and learn how to feed.  The doctors have let us know that it is not unusual to have some "set backs" while in the NICU, but that if those were their babies they would be very happy with how healthy they are considering they were born at 30 weeks.  I probably won't be updating this blog too much with personal information about the girls, but if you would like to be updated through their carepages please send me your email address and I will send you a link.

It has already been emotionally draining to have two children in the NICU but we are just thanking God that despite being small they are healthy and so beautiful.  We cherish every second we are able to spend with them and celebrate every single milestone.