* Pumping/Nursing: While pregnant, I decided that I was going to breastfeed. Since the girls were born at 30 weeks gestation, they came without the ability to suck. They needed to be fed through a feeding tube until around 34 weeks when we were able to introduce bottles. It was only around that time was I able to begin practicing breastfeeding. I have to admit, I probably didn't try as hard as I could have. As soon as the girls were born I started pumping, and man was it a lot of work. In the beginning I was pumping 10-12 times a day to kickstart production. I was actually pretty lucky that my milk came in almost right away and I produced enough for the girls feedings.
The only way for the girls to learn how to breastfeed was to pump milk, feed milk through a bottle and THEN actually try to breastfeed. Talk about a lot of work- especially with two babies! I had help from the lactation consultants a few times, but the girls just didn't seem to latch so I put it on the back burner and decided to become an exclusive pumper. For about the first 3 months I pumped religiously every 3 hours. While they were in the NICU I felt like it was my duty to get up in the middle of the night (as I would have if they were home) to pump. I was able to fill our entire deep freezer full of extra milk. Eventually I settled into pumping 4-5 times a day and for the past month I only pumped 3 times a day. I set a goal of doing it for 6 months and I made it! I felt guilty for "giving up" at 6 months so I stuck it out for another month. I quickly ran through my freezer stash and now that the girls are almost 7 months I decided to stop completely. The first time the girls had formula was this month, so I feel pretty good about that. There is nothing wrong with formula, but breast milk is pushed so hard in our culture these days that it is hard to avoid feelings of guilt when you decide to stop nursing especially if there is no medical reason to do so.
* Staying at home: Before getting pregnant and even while I was on bed rest I was dead set on going back to work. I really enjoy my profession and love working with children. Working has been part of my identity since I was 14 (yes, you can have a job at 14 in Pennsylvania!). I felt that without work I would be bored or lose a part of myself. Well, once the girls came home I realized that I didn't want to go back to work, at least not right away! My babies were all-consuming and I just wanted to spend all of my time with them. Not to mention- it takes a lot of energy to take care of my little nuggets. J and I had a discussion about it and we felt that it was best for me to stay home with the ladies. We had a test run of what finances would be like if I did not work while I was in the hospital and we realized that it was totally manageable to live off one salary.
I admit, some days seem to drag on especially in the afternoon. It's so hot outside that I prefer not to take the girls outside for a walk and with them being so little our options are kind of limited right now. Thankfully, we have family that have offered to watch the girls while I go to the gym or run errands. It is so nice to get a break for a few hours a few times a week. I feel refreshed when I get back to the girls. We also made a big step and left the girls at the drop-off center at the Y. It was so difficult the first time and I felt so nervous even though they were in the same building with me, but the staff were so kind and took to the girls that I can't help but feel more relaxed with the situation.
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