This week started out really great. On a whim Monday I looked at the ABA international website to check out some jobs in the area and I found one that sounded perfect. It includes working with children with autism in the school, home and even providing therapy at the organization. A job where I would be compensated for driving and paper work! A job in which I don't have to rely on anyone else to schedule a session. And most importantly, a job in which I don't have to drive an hour and a half to get to. I immediately called and set up an interview for the next day. The interview went wonderful and they pretty much offered me the position right then and there. I am pretty sure that I have the job, I am just waiting until I get a contract signed to say it's a done deal.
I was sooooo incredibly happy when I left my interview. I haven't been out of grad school that long, but I have been working my way towards a position with children with autism and actually providing the therapy myself. I love the job I have right now, but the drive is not so fun.
Wednesday, I was on cloud nine. That was until I received a phone call from the doctor's office. The doctor recommends that you get blood work taken on day 21 of your cycle while you are on Clomid, so that they can check progesterone and see if you ovulate. This is my 5th cycle of Clomid and I have ovulated each time on 50 mg. Well, the nurse left me a message saying the my progesterone was 6.4. Anything over 15 means you ovulated.
I felt like I was drop kicked in the stomach. I have gotten used to seeing the single line on a pregnancy test and feeling that disappointment, but this took me to a whole other level of sadness. No ovulation? So, there wasn't anything going on down there when it should have been?
I was also very confused because I used an ovulation predictor kit (OPK) and I had gotten a smiley face on day 13 signaling ovulation in 48-72 hours. I assumed that I had ovulated day 14 or 15.
I was incredibly sad and pissed. Pissed that my body wasn't functioning normally, even though I was on a drug to help me ovulate. Pissed that I had a laparascopy 2 months ago and I thought that cleaned out the endo so all my lady parts were sparkling new inside. Sad that this journey just keeps going with no end in sight. Sad that even though I was doing everything right; supplements, Clomid, vitamins, BD timing, OPK's, eating healthy- this was not something I could control.
That night J Bird and I caved into our vices- his chocolate frozen yogurt and mine- wine. We bitched about it. I cried about the unfairness of it.
J Bird suggested that we put a time limit on our feeling sorry for ourselves. We get 24 hours to feel bad and then we have to move on. I thought this was a great idea. After our 24 hours had expired we sat down and each wrote out a timeline of what steps to take next. We are both planners and this is something that was necessary to make sure we were on the same page with what we were willing to try.
For now we decided that we will do 100 mg of Clomid next cycle and also do a HGC injection on day 14. The HGC shot was my idea after reading a message board. The doctor went along with it, so I guess it wasn't too bad of an idea. From what I know it will give my body an extra boost to ensure ovulation. It will be interesting to see how my body reacts to the 100 mg of Clomid...it should be twice the "fun" right!?
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